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Useless information and really fattening food…

Training my dog to be a ninja has been a long and less than rewarding road. But since there was some interest, we will review what I have learned along the way.
First, start young. Crazy Cocker Spaniel started at age 5. This was a poor choice. Since I figure it will be about a 10 year process, she will be 15 by the time her training is complete (that is if she is an average student…sadly I feel she is below average…but I love her all the same). Considering the fact that most cockers have a life span of 12-14 years I am sure you can do that math and see the dilemma.
Second. Go ahead and tell your pet you are training them to be a ninja. This way they know that other than just sleeping, peeing, pooping, eating, sniffing and scratching that they will also be training to be a ninja. Helps set the tone of the day. The mental aspect of a ninja is very important. CCS has great mental concentration, unless of course something comes along, like the UPS man, food, the need to pee. Okay, so maybe the concentration part needs work.
One area we did not have to work on was sneaking around. Years of searching for food have perfected her technique. 
Third. Attire. Most people think of ninjas in all black. But in my house the carpet, and much of the furniture is beige. Since the dog is beige we kept her as is. Feel free to dress your animal to match your house. Unless of course you have horizontal stripes, as no one looks good in those.
Forth. Weapons. There are a whole lot of ninja weapons, I mean just think how many those turtles had. Speaking of those turtles, I think that the fact that CCS is also not a mutant hurts her ability as well. Back to weapons. We went with Chinese throwing stars, which I don’t even think are really ninja a weapons but they are shiny and we like shiny things. Now, like a smart person, we started with paper throwing stars. Go find yourself a 12 year old kid. Give him $5 and some paper and let him have at it. You will go through many. I like to place them between the paws. Then tickle the dog and make her itch. This causes the release of the star. Only problem (yes there are a lot of problems) is that she seems to only throw down. So you will have to somehow figure out how to get the victim to lay down. Whatever you do, don’t tell the victim that you plan on killing him with a Chinese throwing star as this will greatly decreases your chance of them actually laying down. Either that or you pet will get very good at hurting people’s feet. Which probably works out better in the long run. I mean, if people get in trouble for having pit bulls and other breeds perhaps training your dog to kill with throwing stars could get you into more trouble.
Plus, ninjas aren’t really suppose to kill, they are suppose to escape. Which leads us to number five. Escape. This is what we will call a “needs improvement” area for CCS. We test her out by covering her with a blanket and time her to see how long it takes for her to get out. Um, yeah. She usually just gives up and lays in the blanket all covered up. Even when we help and show her a way she is a tad slow. Sigh. We are not giving up but we are looking for other avenues for her. We still have presidential hopes for her in 2012 but we are also considering focusing on what she does well. Sleeping and laying down. So we figure she should have her own website (no, not really doing it) called Lazy Dog. It will be pictures of all the places and ways she sleeps. 😉
So as you can clearly see this wouldn’t make for much of a page on my new 5 part blog (not!). As my dog is clearly a crappy ninja and I am clearly a crappy ninja instructor.

(Notice how hard she is concentrating that she doesn’t even see the toy…skills! Also note all the beige.)


After a long day of trying to get my dog to find her way out of a paper sack, one needs a stiff drink. I don’t mean alcohol. I mean a milkshake. Not just any milkshake either. A cheesecake milkshake. And not cheesecake flavored, we are talking pieces of cheesecake thrown in there. Yum. The recipe didn’t indicate whether you were to use cheesecake with crust or without. So I made a cheesecake without. I don’t think it matters all that much. They are also vague about the size (4 to 6 ounces) of the cheesecake piece that you use. I mean my size of a cheesecake slice and the average person is very different. 😛 I have portion size issues.
It’s pretty simple really. Cheesecake, ice cream and a little milk. I threw in a little raspberry sauce to cut the richness.
And once again, for those counting, this milkshake is approximately 503 Weight Watchers points.

Cheesecake Milkshake

2 wedges (4 to 6 ounces each), plain cheesecake, store bought or homemade (I just made a crustless one)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 to 2 pints premium vanilla ice cream
½ cup whole milk

Combine milk, cheesecake, vanilla, 1 pint of ice cream in a blender and puree until thick and smooth. If the mixture is too thin add more ice cream a little bit at a time and blend. This milkshake should be thick enough to eat with a spoon if you like. Pour into two glasses.

Source:  Adapted from Sticky, Chewy, Messy, Gooey by Jill O’Connor

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Comments

  3. Omg, Peabody, thank you for my morning funny, I’m dying laughing over here! We had a cocker, Chelsea, lived to be 19. I wish I would’ve thought of the ninja training… ; p

    The milkshake sounds wonderful, and sinful, perfect for an indulgence.

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  7. Oh my… cheesecake milkshake sounds awesome… and the fact that the recipe calls for 2 wedges of cheesecake is trouble for my diet! 🙂 Looks great and I need to check out that book because I’ve heard a lot of raves about the recipes in it!

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  8. Great. Now I totally want a cheesecake milkshake. And a ninja Cocker Spaniel. Our Golden Retriever does nothing sneaky so ninja training would be out of the question. 🙂

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  11. Ha your posts are always so funny. you re a great writer! i m always looking forward fot your new posts since apart from the delicious recipes I enjoy reading the into 🙂 Cute Ninja !! :)) the milkshake looks yummy

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  13. “I threw in a little raspberry sauce to cut the richness.”
    Ha ha ha ha ha!! 😀 Oh, that Jill O’Connor. But it is the perfect drink for after a, hmmm, hunger strike 😉 Or maybe when you just want unbridled decadence!
    Ah beg to diffuh! I love horizontal stripes 🙂 In fact, I think CCS is so cute she’d do well in those too (though I don’t believe in clothing animals…)

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  15. I don’t think the ninja thing is working because clearly your dog was meant to be a hockey playing dog. On the positive side, being half Canadian, she should be able to pick up hockey in no time!

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  17. This is hardly useless information! I plan on implementing this ninja teaching with our dog, as soon as I can get the paper stars…although the movement you describe sounds like a knife might be more appropriate, and I know the hubs would probably prefer some sort of long sword…..
    We’ve already got the blanket thing down.

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  18. I think I just gained 5 pounds reading this entry.

    Also, I think “Lazy Dog” could be an interesting blog. I once came across a blog called “Ugly Jennifer” (or something like that) and it was all pictures of this girl making ugly faces. I think CCS has a chance!

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  21. I glanced at the photo in my reader without reading the title and said to myself, “What! Peabody is doing something healthy like a yogurt parfait?!”. Thank goodness it was just an illusion and turned out to be what I expect when I come here, something wickedly delicious like a cheesecake shake!

    Don’t worry about your ninja instruction skills. My efforts to instruct LB in the finer art of guard cat by attacking ankles have failed miserably as he still looks disdainfully at anyone who comes into the house and leaves the room.

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  23. This sounds absolutely delicious. Hmmn… Pooh Bear is white…I don’t think he’ll make a very good ninja…and forget about concentration…

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  24. 1. This is one of the most hilarious blog posts I’ve read. 2. This is possibly one of the best ideas ever. Cheesecake milkshake? Holy awesome.

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  26. your last three posts have all looked really good… and all adapted from the same source. looks like i’m going to have to add another book to my list. 🙂

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  27. I see that you have been cracking open Jill O’Connors book recently. I totally forgot I had it as it got lost in the depths of my bookshelf! I need to re-introduce myself to it now… I got it last year but am sad to say I have only made two or three things from it 🙁 I suck royally…

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  29. I nearly spewed my drink all over the computer screen when I read the first line of this post. Thanks for always giving me a good laugh!
    Also, I tagged you in my blog. No pressure to participate, though. 🙂

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  30. Well, if ninja doesn’t work out for Crazy Cocker Spaniel, there is always child beauty contests…she is still young enough and surely beautiful, as long as glossy beige is appreciated. The milkshake is also sort of beige, the better to blend with the furnishings. Bet it didn’t last long enough to notice that :). Sweetie would REALLY like this ‘drink’!

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  36. I’m not sure what’s more dangerous – that seriously decadent milkshake or CCS with his throwing stars! Thanks for my morning smile 🙂

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  40. Ninja or no, your dog is the cutest! There’s nothing stealthy about a cheesecake milkshake, though. That’s just says, “Here I am – Drink Me!”

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  48. Oh. Thank you! I have had one crappy day and I really needed to read this. That milkshake looks fantastic and worth every calorie, but your ninja training tips seriously had me laughing so hard. “Unless of course you have horizontal stripes, as no one looks good in those.” You are the best.

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  50. Tan Ninja Cocker. I LOVE IT. WHAT A STORY. I treed to teach my cat to cook, but she never could reach the counter. So much for the cooking Calico.

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  52. Oh heck yeah! This looks awesome.

    Do you train cats? Mine could be a ninja…though she’s not young (she’s 16), she only listens to me when I have food, she will not let me put her in any clothes, but she does have awesome weapons (those claws!) and sneaky, she can find the best hiding places when she knows she’s going to the vet!

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  53. Dangerous delicious calories…& the sweet ninja has the most melting brown eyes I have ever seen.ADOREABLE!! I love all the beige…the ninja, the background & the shake!

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  54. I have a hard enough time getting my dog to go to the bathroom outside – I don’t think he’ll be becoming a ninja anytime soon!! But I could handle one or two of these milkshakes!

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  55. HAR! Teenage Mutant Ninja Cocker Spaniel! So funny! 🙂 She’s a doll 🙂

    The shake looks mighty tasty as well and I’m shocked it’s only 500+ WW points. heee!

    Hugs!
    xoxoxoxoxoxo

    Reply

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