When my parents left at Christmas my mother said “goodbye” to my dog. I said “goodbye” to hers as they both have had a long string of illnesses. My mom and I have talked about how hard this time will be for her and me. She said that of course she loved our family dogs growing up but that she had kids at the time and so they were, well, dogs. And now, her dog, this dog, was family. That my dog, my Crazy Cocker Spaniel, was my family. That while I certainly loved my childhood dogs growing up I was not in charge of keeping them happy, safe, alive.
When I first got CCS I was single, not even really wanting to be tied down by owning a pet. Yet she came into my life and taught me unconditional love. While I do not have children of my own, I love my stepchildren very much. Not having kids of my own I have no idea if it’s the same type of love I would feel if they were my own flesh and blood, but I’m guessing yes. I love them as much as I love my dog. That might make some people scoff as pretty much everyone says that pets are not children. Mine is to me.
I wipe my dogs butt. I clean up her vomit. We bath her daily. I wear surgical gowns and gloves to get to hold her. I gladly pet and let her sit near me with all her “smells” of sickness. I feed her. I get up several times a night to let her out making me pretty much an incoherent zombie nowadays. I wake up early to give her meds. I stay up late to give her meds. This saver girl has had to go into more debt that I fear to even think about. I watch her sleep and smile softly…and also to make sure she’s still breathing. 🙂 I do anything I can to make sure she is not in pain and still has quality of life. And when the time comes I will have the strength to send her over the rainbow bridge.
I’m not sure when my final goodbye will be to my sweet girl, I’m guessing sooner than later. My heart will feel like it’s been ripped out and will be lying of the floor. I will cry for days, possibly weeks (heck I cry now and she is still here). And it will all have been worth it. Every tear shed and every dollar spent will be worth it. And the only thing I hope is that she understands just what she meant to me.
Bridget says
I don’t care what anyone says – animals are just as much family as any person could be, often more. I am suspicious of those who don’t feel that way in my own life.
Please give Crazy Cocker Spaniel and kiss from me.
Stephanie says
We are so lucky to receive our dogs’ unconditional love and to be able to take care of them to the end, even when we help them over the rainbow bridge. It is our privilege to make sure they don’t suffer. One of the hardest things my husband and I ever had to do was put our five-year-old mastiff to sleep after his cancer diagnosis. That was almost 2.5 years ago and it still breaks my heart to think about.
Cherish every minute you have left with CCS. She is loving every second.
Liz S. says
CCS most certainly knows just how much you care about her, Peabody. You do so much for her and I know just how important she is in your life. Cherish these moments and give CCS an extra hug from me as well.
Pam Capone says
There is no difference love is love and those that can see a difference have never fully experienced deep down true love. Every time I have had to put down one of our fur babies a piece of me died with them. Even after years of them being gone all I have to do is think about them and the tears well up. I feel lucky that each of my babies lived long full lives filled with love I know I did my job as a mom to one of my fur kids.
Mia says
Of course, she knows how much you love her!
xoxo…
Audra Blair says
My heart aches for CCS and for you, Peabody. It is not easy, but as you wrote, it is worth every second. Hoping the tough decision is later rather than sooner for you.
Nicole says
What a beautiful posting about your baby – it actually made me cry, in a good way, but also in a sad way! My 13 year old dog has been my child from the second I got him, even after I had my son 2 years ago. There is nothing harder than watching him get older, but I do believe 100% that our babies will be waiting for us at the rainbow bridge! You obviously are a wonderful mother to CCS, and she definitely knows how much you love her! Thank you for such moving words, it always makes me feel better to see that other people cherish their pets just as much as I do!
Wendy says
My heart breaks for you. Our pets do indeed become part of the family, more so than other people even at times. Cherish the moments, take pictures and love her unconditionally!
Alice says
I wish our pets could stay with us forever because it is so hard to say goodbye. There is no doubt in my mind CCS knows how much you love her. Every picture you share clearly shows her content & happy even when she’s ill. I am so sorry for your pain: present & future. Take care & enjoy your time with her.
Bill says
Peabody,
It is like I wrote your beautifully stated account of how you are feeling.
I had 2 cavaliers. I had to make the most horrible decision of my life on
August 25, 2014 and had to say good by toy sweet Jessie. I cry every day,
I am single and never had children. I still have Katie and I love her…but
Jessie was my soulmate. I am not going to lie to you: it was awful doing
all the things you just said and it remains a horror. My heart breaks for you
and all that you are and will go through. Love, Bill
Joy says
CCS’s eyes show her love for you. I am so sorry, enjoy the moments… The poodle is the love of my life people ask me all the time what I’ll do when he dies and I say he won’t. CCS will live on in you
Julie says
Peabody, I’ve been there. I can tell you with great certainty that CCS does know how much you love her and you will never regret a penny you’ve spent. The unconditional love between us and our pets is a wonderful, real thing. Treasure every minute.
Annamaria @ Bakewell Junction says
Peabody,
I don’t have children either (aside from the dog and hubby). Our pets love us unconditionally and they are our family. We do the best we can while they’re alive but their time with us always seems too short. We’ve spent a ton of money for our first dog until there was nothing more that could be done. Our current dog had right ACL surgery about a year and half ago and a left ACL surgery about six months ago, so you can imagine how much that costs for a 60 lb dog. Treasure CCS for as long as you can.
Annamaria
Kristen says
It took me 12 years to get another dog…because I was worried it wasn’t worth the pain of losing one again. But I was wrong and it’s so worth it to have her sweet little face in our family. I can’t imagine the day she’s not here, but in the meantime I’m going to love her to pieces everyday.
I’ve been thinking about you so often and pray that you’ll feel comfort and peace when the time comes to say goodbye.
Peabody says
@Kristen- we know that we will be getting another dog as well as we are wanting to take in Final Refuge senior dogs for the organization that I love and support Old Dog Haven. I know that the hurt is worth it because of all the joy they bring.
Debbie says
Peabody, this was beautifully said! We lost our lab 3 yrs ago and anticipate that our bills will be paid off this year. Every minute with him was worth our debt. The unconditional love, and pure joy he brought us is of immeasurable value. We too wiped his bottom, took him to every doctor to ensure he was comfortable. You are doing the right thing and honoring the lifetime of love she has given you. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Erika says
Beautiful post. CCS definitely knows how much you care about her. I enjoy seeing her pictures and my heart goes out to you during this time. I know you’ll continue to cherish each day you have with her.
Marsha Griffin says
Crazy Cocker Spaniel is a beautiful girl. I cried as I read your post, as I have done the same things with my own dogs. I, too, have never had children of my own, but I have loved all 6 of my girl dogs with all my heart. Although I have lost 5 of my babies, I cherish the moments that I spend with my sweet Chelsea Dog Griffin. As she nears 11 years old, I know that one day she will also go to the Rainbow Bridge. Until God says it’s time for our babies to go, we’ll just pet them, hug them, and love them as only we know how to do. Enjoy your time together!
Karen says
Hugs to you both. She was loves you just as much.
Elizabeth E-W says
She most definitely knows how important she is to you! That is obvious. And you are so, so very important to her too!
Kelly C says
I usually don’t comment on blogs but this post touched my heart. I know exactly how you feel. I had to say good bye to my beloved Basset hound in January. I cried many times while he was sick because I knew what was coming. I would not trade one day with him for anything. I think of him everyday and I always will. I know CCS knows how much you love her. Thanks for such a wonderful post.
Katrina says
She will totally know you were always there for her and loved her. Such a hard thing to go through whether the family is people or pets. <3