Soon after one is married, almost everyone starts to ask the dreaded question, “when are you having kids?”
You gain a little weight and people jump with excitement because they think you are WITH child…nope, just WITH cheeseburger.
Every time you say you are nauseous every person tells you, “must be pregnant”.
Or maybe I just don’t feel good?
My husband and I fall into the non-breeding category.
We are child free by choice.
Which is something many a person can not get a handle on.
When I tell people I am not having children they give me a sad look and usually tell me, “there’s always adoption”.
There is, just not for me.
It’s not that I can’t have them, I don’t want to have them.
I’m all for everyone else having them, don’t get me wrong.
Have as many as you like. I’m just not of me having them is all.
One of the greatest things my mother ever said to me was that though she loved me dearly she was quite sure that her and my father could have lived a full and happy life without kids and so could I.
Some people would cringe that their mother would dare say that.
I didn’t take that as a bad thing, but as a very freeing thing.
I never had the produce us a grand child thing hanging over my head.
It was worse when I was a teacher.
Fellow teachers could not believe I didn’t want to have kids.
But you love kids.
No, I love teaching kids, there is a difference.
Plus, I taught junior high.
You want to talk about fantastic birth control…try a 13 year old (or more like try 120 of em a day).
I was never maternal to begin with.
I don’t coo over babies.
There are some down right ugly ones (there I said it…and yes, I mean it).
There are some darn cute ones too.
When my friends have babies I’m the one standing in the corner not huddling around the baby.
A few years back Ann Lander’s wrote her now famous “The Childless Couple” which is pretty much what I refer people to when they get on my case about not wanting to have children.
“There is nothing sadder than a childless couple.
It breaks my heart to see them relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, sitting all suntanned and miserable on the decks of their boats — trotting off to Europe like lonesome fools.
It’s an empty life. Nothing but money to spend, more time to enjoy and a whole lot less to worry about.
The poor childless couple are so wrapped up in themselves, you have to feel sorry for them.
They don’t fight over the child’s discipline, don’t blame each other for the child’s most obnoxious characteristics, and they miss all the fun of doing without for the child’s sake.
They just go along, doing whatever they want, buying what they want and liking each other. It’s a pretty pathetic picture.
Everyone should have children.
No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experience that accompanies each stage in the development of the young — the happy memories of sleepless nights, coughing spells, tantrums, diaper rash, debts, “dipso” baby sitters, saturated mattresses, emergencies and never-ending crises.
How dismal is the peaceful home without the constant childish problems that make a well-rounded life and an early breakdown; the tender, thoughtful discussions when the report card reveals the progeny to be one step below a moron; the end-of-the-day reunions with all the joyful happenings recited like well-placed blows to the temples.
Children are worth it. Every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice, every complete collapse pays off as a fine, sturdy adolescent is reached. The feeling of reward the first time you took the boy hunting — he didn’t mean to shoot you, the lad was excited.
Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? And how much better you felt after the blood transfusion?
These are the times a man with a growing son treasures — memories that are captured forever in the heart and the limp.
Think back to the night of romantic adventure when your budding daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple ever shared in the stark realism of that drama?
Aren’t you a better man for having lived richly, fully, acquiring that tic in your left eye? Could a woman without children touch the strength and heroism of your wife as she tried to fling herself out of the bedroom window?
The childless couple live in a vacuum.
They fill their lonely days with golf, vacation trips, dinner dates, civic affairs, tranquility, leisure and entertainment.
There is a terrifying emptiness without children, but the childless couple are too comfortable to know it.
You just have to look at them to see what the years have done:
He looks boyish, unlined and rested; she’s slim, well-groomed and youthful. I
t isn’t natural. If they had had kids, they’d look like the rest of us — worn out, wrinkled and exhausted.”
What on Earth can any of this do with Tahitian vanilla beans?
Well, see those Tahitian vanilla beans were brought to me from Tahiti.
From one of my many other child free by choicer friends.
Out enjoying what would be their child’s college fund by going to Tahiti. Rough eh?
I chose to use just a simple sugar cookie to show off the flavor of the beans.
I felt if I went to complicated the flavor would just get lost and then what is the point of having Tahitian vanilla beans.
And whatever you do, don’t discard your beans pods when you are done with them. Use them to make vanilla sugar.
It is wonderful stuff.
Oh and if you are feeling sorry for my parents for me not producing them a grandchild, no worries, my brothers have given them 5.
So thanks to my brothers for covering that for me. 😉
Tahitian Vanilla Bean Sugar Cookies
1 ¼ cups unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
3 Tahitian vanilla beans, split and seeds scraped out
1 egg
½ tsp cream of tarter
3 cups all-purpose flour
¼ tsp salt
coarse sugar for decoration
In an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add in the vanilla bean seeds and beat for another 30 seconds.
Add in egg and beat until thoroughly incorporated. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and beat for another 30 seconds.
Sift together flour, cream of tarter and salt. With the mixer on low speed, add the flour mixture to the butter mixture. Mix until incorporated.
Roll dough into 1-inch balls and place on greased cookie sheet. Using the bottom of a drinking glass(you may want to grease it to avoid sticking) press down to make cookie flat. Sprinkle with coarse sugar.
Bake at 350F for 8-9 minutes. Let cool on pan for 5 minutes and them move to wire rack to completely cool.
Adapted from Caprial’s Desserts by Caprial Pence
Vanilla Sugar
1 vanilla bean, whole or scraped
2 cups granulated sugar
If vanilla bean is whole, slice down side of bean with back of knife and scrape seeds into airtight container with the sugar. Bury bean in sugar and seal tightly with lid. Let sit for 1 to 2 weeks. Use as regular, granulated sugar.
Heather B says
I have a whole bunch of Tahitian Vanilla beans that I’ve been wondering what to do with them! I love sugar cookies so this looks like a great pairing with the Tahitian Vanilla Bean. Great recipe Peabody!
brilynn says
I love the title of this post… and vanilla beans. It’s a winning combo really.
manggy says
My personal opinion is that all the heartache would be worth it– it’s just my own inadequacy that worries me, that I would be letting the kid down. As for my parents, well I made sure that they needn’t have worried about high tuition fees 😉
I love the speckling of the cookies that can only come from true blue vanilla, that just pushes them into the realm of decadence 🙂
Tony says
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!! I wish I had Tahitian vanilla beans (flown in FROM Tahiti). Those specks on the cookies look great – this one definitely needs to go on Tastespotting ; ) NO WAY it’ll get rejected!!
HoneyB says
My new DIL and son are in no hurry to have children, if they decide to have them at all. She, like you, does not have that maternal longing. I personally, wanted my children – but have no need to have grandchildren. If they come, they come….but if they don’t, I won’t be heartbroken. This world is a hard place to live in as it is. Who knows, if I were 20 years younger and of child bearing age, I just may be deciding to be childless myself in this day and age. Kudos to you!
Now, about the cookies…They look delicious! AND are beautiful…loving the photos!
Dana says
Peabody – you spoke to my heart! Not only am I childless by choice – I’m also unmarried to my boyfriend of 8 years (by choice and financial restrictions). I never hear the end of it. When I say I’m not going to have kids, everyone always says, “Well, you’re young, you just don’t know what you want yet.” Oh, I’m so pleased that you know me well enough to tell me what I want!
I’m also a teacher, but with high school kids. I’m always telling people it’s the best birth control, so it was so funny that you said that! Every other female teacher either has kids, or wants them desperately. It makes me feel excluded, but worse, looked down upon for not wanting to add to the population problem. All of those things described in that Ann Landers quote are things I most assuredly do not want, especially the debt! How wonderful that your friends are able to go to Tahiti!
BTW – that is my favorite title. EVER!
Ben says
A most excellent post if I may say so.
I’ll need to try the recipe too 😀
danielle says
Ahhh, yes. I know so many people that can’t handle it when a couple in our circle gets married and decide against children. Why bring children into the world if you aren’t fully wanting them? Who decides that people must procreate? I don’t get it. I completely understand your position (And for what it’s worth, I have children.)
As for the cookies, they sounds delicious.
Barbara says
Tahitian vanilla beans, oh you lucky dog you!
I didn’t have people asking me if I was pregnant after I got married…but then, I got married when I was 50! 😉
You know, there are lots of people out there having kids, the human race is not in danger of extinction, at least not for lack of children! I have great admiration for those who take the job of parenting and do their best at it — I was always convinced I would make a terrible mess of it.
rainbowbrown says
Your posts make me happy.
So do your cookies.
Pamela says
Great looking cookies and very good post. You know what you want and you are not afraid to say it. Live your life for you and enjoy every minute of it!
Jaime says
hahhaa. i laughed at the “with cheeseburger” comment 🙂
those cookies are a great use of the vanilla. i feel sad reading your blog because we honeymooned in tahiti…and i was not a real foodie back then so i did not know the true value of tahitian vanilla and did not bring any back from there 🙁
Angielala says
I loved this post! I feel better knowing I’m not the only woman born without a maternal instinct. Being a woman who doesn’t want kids separates us from so many other women, but I know I have to be true to myself. Thank you for putting it all into words so well!
And the cookies sound wonderful… I’ll try them soon
Anon for now says
Usually I post with my name, but not today. I agree with so much of what you say, but how wonderful for you that your family is so supportive – my parents literally think I’m going to hell for not having children, which is, apparently, my DUTY as a WOMAN. Don’t get me started.
Elle says
I love being a mom (most of the time) but fully appreciate that you have chosen a different path…and it’s a great one, too.
When my sister was most upset with her kids, she used to yell “tubal ligation” over and over…they never understood, but soon she and her hubby were rolling on the floor with laughter…and tears. That usually stopped the kids in their tracks. Think of all the yelling you don’t have to do. Your mom is wise.
Let me know when y’all go to Tahiti…I could use some vanilla beans for cookies as great as these.
Kelly says
Hah-le-FREAKING-lu-lah! Finally, SOMEONE who thinks the same way I do. More power to us happy, childless couples. 🙂
cindy says
these cookies look great!
recently (and a few times in the past) the children at work (a preschool, they are 3) ask me if i have a baby in my tummy. i tell them no, i just eat too much food.
i tell myself it must be because they are very short and their perspective is distorted, sigh.
Astrid says
I have three little tots. Seeing how much time they take up, my mind boggles at the idea of being able to do something else with that time. I imagine I would have the energy and the sharpness of brain required to solve the Middle East crisis. Which is not far from what I have to do around here when there’s only one pink cup around or one unbroken cracker in a box full of broken ones. But truth be told, besides the fact that I kind of like these kids (!), if I didn’t have them around I know I would just be spending all my free time blogging… and leaving long useless comments other people’s blogs.
Oops.
Nonny says
I’m glad my childlessness can still provide a service to the world. Your food porn will be my legacy Pea. 😉
I only wish I had brought back a few more beans! I would say that I have go back, but I think I’m going to put my non-existent children’s orthodontics fund on a cruise through the Panama Canal.
Astrid says
I’m sorry to blather so long, but I have to add: when I finished typing the above comment, I looked down to see my youngest had just emptied the garbage can and spread the remains of a yogurt jar all over herself and the kitchen floor. Seriously, you’re missing out! (-;
Angela says
Hi – I’ve been reading your blog for awhile but am now just getting around to commenting. This post really rang true to me. I am married and still not sure that I want kids…at least not anytime soon. I’ve been married nearly 5 years and will be 30 this year so the “when are you having kids” question is asked quite frequently. All of my married friends have kids, are preggers or are trying. Talk about peer pressure. I’m not in a hurry to give up the lifestyle of buying what I want (most of the time) traveling around Europe (I live in Italy) or give up my uncluttered house. I love kids, but I also love being able to send them to their parents when they cry, stink, etc. 🙂 Thanks for the great post! The cookies look awesome too!
Mrs. L says
We went to Tahiti on our honeymoon and I did not know I was supposed to pick up vanilla bean? Sigh.
Mr. L and I are childless. Yes, we could adopt, but we have our friends children to spoil when we need a “child” fix 🙂
Ros says
I love sugar cookies, those look lovely.
And having kids (or not)is a personal decision, nothing to do with anyone else.
It’s a shame some folks feel the need to interfere about it.
Rosa says
I feel like you… I don’t want to have kids, although I don’t hate them. And, my life isn’t empty!!! As a matter of fact, I would have no time to take care of children! A bad reason to make children is because one has to fill his/her empty life! People should make children for other, deeper reasons. It is a big responsability as you have to be totally dedicated to them… If some people understood this, there’d be less unhappy children around the world!
Great cookies! Very pretty!
Cheers,
Rosa
Red Icculus says
I am also childless by choice. We did it for the expendable income and because the dogs are enough trouble as it is. This was an excellent post!
Madam Chow says
The title of your post is the exact conversation a friend of mine had with someone that she had JUST met. People: unless you know for sure, don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant!
Judith says
Yeah, that’s just ridiculous. Falls into the same category of the people in Iowa who ask “so, are you married? Engaged?” (the marriage rate is incredibly high here, and most people marry at 20 to 22). “Nope. I’m a lesbian.” “Oh… well you have a long term domestic partner then, right?” Uh, I’m twenty three years old. I’m in law school. Can’t I just be single the next year or ten? Thanks. And yeah, if I ever am in a super-long term relationship, I’m with you. I like kids fine, I just don’t want to be responsible for them 24 hours a day.
bunny001 says
the cookies look great peabody, i love the flecks of vanlla. there’s nothin wrong with not wanting kids, i see to many young people that have them that shouldn’t. but it sounds like your ready for anybody asking those questions, give em hell girl, politely of course.
giz says
As a mother of 2, when my own daughter said “would it bother you a whole lot if we didn’t have children”, my answer was pretty quick – it doesn’t bother me at all. Do I feel completed as a woman because I had children – nope! Do I love my kids – of course. If I had to do it over again? – I’d think twice.
Bridget says
I’m going to remember that “with cheeseburger” line. Is there anything so awful as someone asking if you’re pregnant when you’re not?!?
The questions never stop; we have one child and always get questioned about why not more (I couldn’t) or who does he play with. A friend is pregnant with her third and is getting hassled about having too many. Sigh.
Well..the cookies are gorgeous! I can almost taste them. 🙂
amy purple says
As soon as I got married, I got the when are you having kids questions too. It’s really annoying, honestly. Anytime I’d feel sick, not even sick to my stomach, but just have a cough, coworkers would say maybe you’re pregnant! You know, because coughs and pregnancy go hand in hand. I’m going back to school now and I swear I am going to freak out when I start working again and people do this.
OhioMom says
Love the cookies.
Bravo on being true to yourself, babies are like puppies..adorable and cuddly and then without any warning you have teenagers!
Mother of 5, gray at 25 … three of my children have decided they will not have children .. my only regret is that they will not have a “teenager” in their life too.
🙂
isa says
I think no one should ever ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless it’s too obvious! But like, 7 months preganant so they can’t be mistaken…
My mother for example is one of those people who always get the wrong impression of a little tummy. For example our Pilates’ teacher was slightly overweight and once she was showing some pictures of her two years old kid to some of the Piolates ‘students whem my mum goes like “Is that an ultrasound of your baby?”. The worst thing was that I was with her!!!
The cookies look great. Lovely pictures as usual 🙂
Ashley says
I love this post. I’m not even married yet and people are already asking myself and my fiance when the little ones are on the way. Talk about putting the pressure on! We are off to Tahiti for our honeymoon though, so I’ll be sure to pick up some vanilla beans!
Wandering Coyote says
Peabody: Excellent post. It really spoke to me. At 34, I am childless and will probably remain so. I have never felt the urge to be a parent, and at an age when most women are hearing that tick-tock, I certainly am NOT. My ex was an elementary school teacher. Whenever I went to his school, the words “tubal ligation” just screamed through my brain, so I really related to your story about being a junior high teacher!
VeggieGirl says
I plan on remaining childless as well (I have years to think about all this, haha; but that’s my feelings right now), so I definitely appreciated your post on this subject. And this part made me laugh out loud: “You gain a little weight and people jump with excitement because they think you are WITH child…nope, just WITH cheeseburger.” You always put a smile on my face, Peabody :0)
Looove those cookies!!
Miri says
Loved this post so much! I feel the same way – the past several years I’ve became more and more against having kids, realizing that the life my husband and I are leading now – is the life I love. My husband, on the other hand, really wants children, so I think we’ll eventually have them after all 🙂
Great looking cookies, by the way! 🙂
jen says
well said!! I never had a maternal instinct towards anything but animals and sometimes my nieces, nephews and other people’s kids. When initially told people we weren’t having kids by choice, sometimes they asked why and I said I wasn’t a patient person and didn’t think I could be the person I should be to raise a child. They would argue that I would find patience once the child came. My answer was – what if it doesn’t? What a crappy, crappy experiment to perform on a kid. Family stopped asking and accepted that we were capable of making a big decision on our own
Patricia Scarpin says
I have been married for 3 1/2 years, my friend, and not a day goes by without that question… And when I say I’m not sure I want to have kids (more to the “don’t want to” than to the “do”, growing everyday) people say I must be kidding, I’m too young and I will change my mind. It’s pretty much the opposite: when I got married, I wanted kids. As my life grew so much better being only me and Joao, the thoughts began to escape my mind. I should translate this article (loved it!) and walk around with extra copies of it. 🙂
I have lots of fun with my nieces and nephews, but when I’m done I go home and do the things I love with the hubby. There’s nothing better than that. 😉
These cookies are fantastic, I can almost smell them from here. And the photos… Breathtaking!
Patricia Scarpin says
Oh, being raised without a mother around and by a father who made some really bad mistakes along the way and a stepmother who was useless all along doesn’t help either. My life now is the way I have always wanted it to be – calm and peaceful!
Caldwell Price says
Those look amazing. I can’t wait to try them, but first to buy vanilla beans.
Mary says
Hooray for brothers! And these cookies!
We’re newly wed-ish and I so totally love to screw with my sister-in-law about the whole preganancy thing (like I’d tell her anyway). Every so often I’ll just decided that I won’t be drinking at some family occasion. She’ll get all excited and start whispering that I’m pregnant. So I crack open a beer. It’s hillarious!
dawn says
Did Ann Landers really write that? Ick. How f*up. Like those all those childless people are really that sad. That was very arrogant of her to suppose such a thought, you know?
Hubby and I are not having kids either, so there are actually a lot of us out there.
Love those cookies, BTW. 🙂
Deia says
yep, don’t you think it’s funny (in a sad way) those people who are always expecting other people to have kids and say it’s “unnatural” not having them? They should all come here to see it’s not that “unnatural” considering the number of people who think that way…
My brother and (very-soon-to-be) sister-in-law are planning to be parents in the next year or two, and I’m very excited to know I’ll be having a nephew/niece… but as for me? No thanks. Love kids, but everyone else’s, that is… 😉 Great post!
Amanda says
Uh, Dawn… Landers was being sarcastic!
Noel says
I can’t wait to try these cookies. Too bad my childless self can’t make time in my empty life to pop over to Tahiti to get some vanilla. I’ll just have to make due.
Landers didn’t actually write that. She only quoted it. It was satire piece written by someone else in the 50s.
maybelles mom (feeding maybelle) says
A older gay gentleman I once worked with used to say who should only ask a woman if she is pregant unless you are in the delivery room (well, he said it in a more funny more crass way). But, I definitely think people should never ask; and just accept that your life is your own choice.
While not the exact same thing, I definitely feel empathy for you. We have one child and we get the endless don’t you want to have siblings for our child. As an only child (and wife to someone with mean siblings), I find it quite annoying. It is just stupid what people say, and I am glad you have a venue to tell people butt out and in a very funny way.
Fingers80 says
*raises hand*… Same here!
I used to think I wanted kids, but once I met my husband and got married, I changed my mind completely. He doesn’t want kids either. We do enjoy spoiling our neices and nephews, but we don’t want our own.
I’m a teacher too, and it really is hard. I feel like I have to apologize or explain myself if I say no, we don’t want kids (and yes, I get asked constantly). Maybe that will be my resolution for the new school year: no apologizing for our decision.
irmata says
You _are_ my long lost twin ;D Child free by choice too, with never a maternal thought or urge since birth, as hard as that is for most people to believe. I am lucky that my family, at least, understands – both my mom and grandmother have said the exact same thing to me regarding the choice to have children versus not.
Mollie says
You always hit the nail on the head. I also heard my mother say how much she loved and dearly wanted my brother and I but how she knew 100% her life would have been complete with just my dad. Like you said, others could misunderstand this as an insult, but I took it as a gift. The choice of how I define my family is mine, and I can be complete in any way I choose.
Yummy cookies too. 🙂
Jenny says
Haha that’s funny!
You know I have children, 2, and I love my kids, and mostly don’t regret having kids. However my kids have been gone all week and has it ever been nice, quiet and cleaner! I’d say cheaper too but we’ve been enjoying not needing a babysitter and going out instead!
I’m with you, though, that not all babies are cute, some of them just scream out for better birth control (and I know I’m going to take heat for that!)
Next person who asks you if you are pregnant, answer back with the same question and see if they like it? 🙂
Fruittart says
You always find people willing to comment on others’ life choices. Since we have four kids, I have gotten the ‘have you heard about birth control?’ or ‘have you figured out what causes that, yet?’ Ugh. Love my kids and enjoy them to bits, but some aspects of life would be far simpler without them.
Just name your kitchen appliances and talk about your time spent with your mixer and oven 😉 You’ve produced beautiful results, as usual!
elly says
Those look delicious. There’s not a whole lot better than a simple sugar cookie. I think “When are you having kids?” is one of the most ridiculous questions someone can ask a person, regardless of whether you are having them or not. Umm, step off my private life, kthx. ;P
Laura says
Interesting timing that your post came out. And I’ve read that Ann Lander’s columnn before…and how true it is. I would have been childless if Alex had not been an “oops”
Today we had pictures taken, and I looked worn out, wrinkled and all I wished was I could just crawl under a rock.
I started to cry…do I really look like that?
I love my kids, but when someone asks me if it’s worth it? I always answer, No.
Dana McCauley says
ha! And the cycle never ends. Once you have a child, the new question becomes when are you having another.
I gotta say, I love being a mom. I also love traveling and cookies.. In the end each of us has to make choices that work for us. Mine will always include chocolate, btw.
And Laura, I don’t know what you look like but my guess is that it was a crappy picture. Wipe away your tears and have a cookie!
Joelen says
Kudos to being childfree and doing what’s best for you. At the end of the day, the only things that matters is if you are happy… and Tahitian vanilla bean sugar cookies definitely makes life easier to enjoy. 🙂
Lynn says
I had to laugh at the title – that’s happened to me, when I was holding my 6 month old daughter.
The cookies look beautiful. I love the backdrop fabric, too.
White On Rice Couple says
We don’t have kids and both our mothers are DYING for us to have kids. Your post is a great read, we’ll have to pass it on to them.
You have such pretty pictures, they say a thousand words!
Christine Tham says
With today’s stress and high expenses bringing up a kid is not easy. Time is another factor – most of your time is given to your kid and ended up none for yourself.
CookiePie says
Gorgeous cookies!
And bravo on the post. My brother and sister-in-law don’t have kids, by choice (my hubby and I don’t yet, but we plan to). They have a life they love, and to me that is the very meaning of success. No one should tell anyone else how to live!
Jess says
I’m so glad I’m not the only one out there who doesn’t want kids. For me, I grew up babysitting until I was 20, so I kinda feel like I’ve raised a bunch of kids. Plus, I know all the really bad things that come with it that most parents won’t tell you about 🙂 It did help when my mom (who had me at 18) said to me “don’t have kids … just think, all the money I’d spend on grandkids, I could be spending on you.” How could I argue? It’s so nice not to have the pressure from family.
However, kids are hilarious and I love my friends kids dearly. One the other day came up to me, rubbed my belly and said “Auntie Jess .. you havea a big belly.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Your post reminded me of that.
BTW, those cookies look amazing … yum for tahitian vanilla! 🙂
Alison of a Gun says
I loved you before, but now I LOVE YOU so much more. You stated very well the exact reasons I do NOT want kids. My boyfriend’s sister has a great kid. We love him. But as soon as he starts crying, my boyfriend looks at me and says “Baby, let’s make a baby!” in a country accent, and we laugh because HELL NO.
Kate says
Personally I don’t understand why anyone ever feels the need to comment on another person’s decisions regarding whether they have kids or not.
Melinda says
I feel perfectly happy about your decision to remain childless. (But man, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when someone asks you if you are pregnant! That’s got to be good!)
I was 9 months pregnant and at a party when someone asked me very quietly if I was pregnant…she was scared to ask me in case I WASN’T. I was not tiny either, I was absolutely massive! I was slightly offended later when I thought to myself,’Hey, wait a minute…everyone thinks this is my normal body!’
I only have just one child and have had plenty of the conversations where I was told I should have another child because she will be spoiled and lonely. Tough.
My daughter is 23 now and is neither of those things!
I love her to bits and she has always been enough for me.
Oh…those sugar cookies look mighty fine!
LyB says
I think a lot of people don’t think before they speak. Weather it’s asking someone why they haven’t had kids yet or why they’re having a third child when they already have a girl and a boy, somethings are just your own business and it would be so much simpler and less frustrating if everyone understood that.
Now, all I need is a good friend to go to Tahiti for me! 🙂
Tim says
I like this entry, I like real vanilla, and I like this blog 🙂
MyKitchenInHalfCups says
Follow your heart. Your mother is a wise woman; I like her!
Like the cookies too. Man the vanilla beans make a whole new world.
DaviMack says
Childless by choice here, as well. And, incidentally, living in Europe so we can travel about and see the place. Sold everything off, quit work, and don’t have anybody to worry about but ourselves, and all before 40.
We’ve joked that we’re going to start telling people, with great, sad eyes, “the Viagra just doesn’t work.” But then they’d give us the adoption line. Now we just tell them that, “we’re not settled enough yet, ’cause I’m not finished my PhD. Maybe once I have a professorship somewhere….” It’s easier than trying to explain that you’re not some monster (as they snatch their children away from us, protecting them from the child-haters).
I think that stuffing the pods into a big bottle of vodka is much more productive: after about 10 or so you’ve got a huge quantity of vanilla extract!
Mindy says
Oh, Peabody. This post is perfectly written and had me nodding with every sentence and thinking to myself, “Oh my God…there is somebody else out there who feels the way I do.” THANK YOU!!!
Deborah says
I think too many people today have children just because they feel like it’s the right thing to do. Many times, that causes a situation where the kids aren’t loved as much or as well taken care or just neglected. I think people should only have kids if they really want them and are really ready for them. I’ll be 31 when my first is born, and married over 3 years. We made sure that we were good and ready before we decided to bring a child into this world. So I don’t look down on you at all!!
And the cookies sound simple and perfect!
plume says
I could have writen what you wrote about having children…
I’m lucky, my family is totaly OK with the fact that I don’t want children, but men that don’t want to procreate are not so easy to find, as strange as it can seem. Unless they are old children themselves, that is.
Joy the Baker says
oh peabody. i LOVE this post. i love it so much. thanks for being so honest and funny and clever and lovely. and you bring cookies. yay.
Katie says
How great. Now I want to have kids someday but I hate the question as well. These cookies look really good and how can they be bad with Tahitian Vanilla beans from Tahiti come on now that is fantastic.
Stephany says
What a great post – and Kudos to you! I hate when people ask – when will you be adding to your family, etc. Sure I love kids, but you know what, I love my husband and myself and our wonderful life we’ve built together more. Selfish – probably – but do we fight – no, do we stress how to put a kid through school – no. Can we pick up and go anytime we want – heck yea!
And your cookies look fab!
Shannon says
Ok, this is my favorite post on any blog ever. I love you.
kellypea says
So this is why I read your blog, peabody. You just tell it like it is. And cheers to your mother for her attitude. I’m with her. I love my boys, but know life would have been okay without kids. I, too, am the one who shrinks back from bouncing and “kooching” babies. Heck, I didn’t even do that to mine. But I do have to say that having just returned from Italy, you can have kids and travel. The romance is a bit challenging, though…NICE sugar cookies. mmmmm….
Clumbsy Cookie says
You have no idea what I laughed when I read you were not with child, you were with hamburguer! i might have to steal that line, and since I’m being abusive and stealing things from you: Pass those cookies!
Michelle says
To number #43 — Ann Landers was using irony in that column — being sarcastic, ya know? She wasn’t accusing childless couples of really being sad — she was using humor.
Those cookies look divine — I hope I can find some Tahitian vanilla beans so I can try the real deal!
Claudia says
So, have all of you childless by choice couples seen Idiocracy? Run, don’t walk to the video store or Netflix and see it. Just so you know who we’ll be blaming 500 years from now ;-))
timhenk says
Nothing I hated more than the “so when are you having kids?” question. My parents didn’t ask (they already had 11 grandkids) but my in-laws were incessant. Ironically, now that we have a baby, they never come around to see her. Now that’s f*d up. I never really wanted kids either, but just over a year ago, one came into our life, and we’re as happy as can be. Life is great without them, but it’s also great with them. I think most people can be happy either way. Don’t let the pressure get to you!!!
steph (whisk/spoon) says
great pictures of beautiful cookies! i totally understand what you are saying. i don’t plan to have a baby either, but i’m at that age where all my friends have recently had their first (or in the case of one friend, her third!), and i get asked the question all the time. my parents are the only ones who seem to get why i don’t want to have a baby.
lina says
I loved this post. I’ve been married for 3 years and constantly get that”are you pregnant!?” question. Nope, I’ve just been food blogging.
Kevin says
Those vanilla bean cookies sound so simple and they look so good!
Cathy C says
Cookies look amazing – It was the post that you wrote that has me wondering if you are living in my head. I am 41 and struggling with the issue right now.
Thank you for articulating this so perfectly.
Cheers
Cathy
http://www.wheresmydamnanswer.com
Steph says
I loved that entry. It’s great that you are able to believe in what you think is right for you without having kids for the sake of it. I know someone who adopted even though she never really wanted a child because everyone around her had growing families. She takes amazing care of her child, but I don’t feel as if she is truely happy and just conformed to the ‘pressure’.
Those are great pictures by the way!
Karen says
Lots of comments on the choice not to have children.
When I was in my 20’s and said I didn’t want children, everyone would smile indulgently and say, “oh, you’ll change your mind”.
When I was in my 30’s and said I didn’t want children, everyone would smile indulgently and say, “you never know, there’s still time”.
When I got married at 38, everyone said, “oh, its not too late” (I didn’t tell them my husband had recently had a vasectomy!).
Now in my 40’s, I think most people get it – I’m not having children! 🙂
Good luck with your decision and just remember, people mean well, they just don’t understand.
Kristen says
I think this is so great. First of all, I love the Ann Landers thing. LOL.
I think if more people who didn’t feel that maternal instinct to have kids didn’t go ahead and have them, there would be a lot more happiness in the world all around.
I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything… but don’t be fooled. My husband and I can often be heard saying “oh if we could just ship them off for one week”. lol
evil chef mom says
you know what great post… my dad shouldn’t have had me, he didn’t have a parenting bone in his body and i wish he would have realized this. me on the other hand i have four kids, did i want four, not really but i love them to death. if i had to do it over again i probably would go the same route you are. not having kids is okay. and i love that movie!
Mara says
i just read my hub the ann landers bit and he had a good laugh. we have been married 4 years and no kids yet, still ‘thinking’ about it. but for now, we are thoroughly enjoying ourselves!! great post. and we honeymooned in tahiti so i LOVE the idea of tahitian vanilla beans!
Emiline says
Well, this is all very interesting. I’m 23, so I really don’t know what I want to do. I’m always the person in the background, not huddled around the baby, too! I don’t know how to act around kids. I want to treat them like adults.
I really don’t feel very maternal. I figure the world is overpopulated as it is – why add to the problem. And I think about the world, and it makes me not want to bring a child into it. Especially after watching An Inconvenient Truth. We’re all doomed.
I say this, but then years down the road, I don’t know how I’ll feel.
But anyway. I get what you’re saying.
AND THE COOKIES LOOK GREAT!
kim says
thank the lord that there are other people on the planet that dont feel the need to have kids!! My BF and I both have this understanding that having a kid – its just not something we need to do? and if by chance we did have one, for whatever reason, we would of course love it to death and be the best parents we possibly could but if it never happens – we are perfectly fine with that as well. Though, we lean towards no kids of course. I just dont SEE it, you know? Yeah, you know.
🙂
Bay Area Foodie says
I am also with cheeseburger and a side of sweet potato fries. After two years of marriage I have gained 10+ lbs. and have no plans to have kids. I’d rather eat.
Suganya says
Hear, hear!
courtney says
First I applaud a anyone who is strong enough to go against the grain and not bring another unwanted child into the world (and yes I realize that there are people who are great parents that didn’t plan on having children).
And two as someone who wants children, BUT realizes that this is not the best time to have one, it KILLS when people ask that question. Yes, my husband and I will be happy with each other if we can’t have kids, and are unable to adopt, BUT it doesn’t make that question any less painful or more appropriate.
Renea(MrsSchoon) says
These look delicious. And I just learned a lesson. Never drink anything while reading your posts. I almost spit my water out reading “…with cheeseburger.” lol!
Christine says
Love this blog! Kudos to you on your personal choice. I personally would rather have someone tell me that they do not want to have kids, then be around someone who had kids for the “sake of having kids”.
Rebecca says
PREACH it, PREACH it! I feel exactly the same way. I have never been the one to fuss over babies. (most babies ARE NOT cute.) Bring me a puppy any day of the week. It’s reassuring to read all the comments here of women who feel similarly. Now if only I can find a man who understands this…!
Paula says
Loved this post!! I can soo relate! my huds and I are childless too. well no human children, we’ve got a dog we’re insanely in love with;)
Mallow says
Amen, sister! I knew there had to be more out there like me! Now if I could only find a man that doesn’t want kids – they’re harder to come by than I would have thought… The cookies look fabulous!
Jamie Ann says
I am chubby because I love pastries AND I have kids.
I didn’t want kids at first; too many reasons to list. Then I decided to have one. ONE. When she was 10 months old I decided I wanted one more. Yes it’s hard, but I decided that I should NEVER say never. Secondly, I am glad I waited til I was ready. Being a parent betters me, challenges me, because it gives me a glimpse to maybe see how God feels about me.
Carrie says
Thank you for sharing this recipe, I made these and they are NOTHING short of WONDERFUL!
Mari says
I’m 34 and don’t have kids, but would like to, however I think that everyone should be able to choose for themselves. I think many people approach marriage and children from the “it’s expected of me” perspective, instead of really evaluating what they really want for themselves. I was always so surprised when I was asked in my 20s if I had any children, because I felt so young and couldn’t imagine being a parent at that age. If I’d had children before now, I would have missed out on entire chapter of my life and I wouldn’t be the person I am now. Now I’ve traveled a bit(although not nearly enough), I’ve lived (and still live) abroad, and I’m only just now figuring out what I want to do with my life, all of that would have been much less possible with children.
We Are Never Full says
this post really cracked me up. too much damn pressure for us women!! i applaud you for standing up for yourself!
Meg says
I love reading your blog – I’m catching up after an absence and this entry made me laugh. I’m still a young’un in my mid-twenties, but I have actively NOT wanted children since I was a pig-tailed nipper myself. So many people (especially other women, sadly) seem to be incapable of understanding that some of us just don’t want children, and that there isn’t something fundamentally wrong with us – my favourites are those that reassure me, “Oh, you’ll change your mind one day.” This statement is usually accompanied by a knowing smile and pat on the arm. “Pfft” to them. Continue living and loving your life for what it is, keep baking, keep writing, and we’ll keep reading. 🙂
mouse says
What a pleasant surprise; I go looking for a new sugar cookie recipe and find a fellow childless by chioce and not afraid to say something about it type. You, madam, are my hero.
If it makes you feel any better, I actually do love children, I just don’t want to have any. Absolutely no one can wrap their brains around that except the wonderful boyfriend.
gail zierk says
My neighbor not only brought back vanilla beans from Tahiti for me, but also vanilla powder. The powder is very dark, almost like espresso powder. Any ideas for using something this dark in recipes but still capturing that wonderful aroma?
Peabody says
You can steep it in milk and then filter the milk and use it in coffee or baked goods that way.